A METAMORPHOSIS

 

     As a requirement of application to the Master of Arts in Education (MAED) program at Michigan State University, I drafted an initial professional goal statement. Two years later, as I reflect on my words and thoughts from that previous statement on the importance of being a lifelong learner, on seeking to develop my teaching practice, and yes, even my humanity, I can’t help but refocus my attention on what is driving those desires to evolve as a professional and as an individual. I became a teacher, ultimately, because I wanted to have a greater and more positive impact on the world. I remain a teacher because of what I continue to gain through time with students, colleagues, community, and my own family. My goals for entering the Master of Arts in Education program at Michigan State University have not exactly changed. I still have a desire to build upon my academic foundations to serve my own learning as well as enhance instruction for my students. However, the focus of what I put back into my own bucket has shifted. I have slowly eased the intensity and focus of my efforts less on the work, and more on the benefits of having done the work. That is to say, I teach to live, not live to teach. 

     This sentiment may seem simplistic, trite even, but as I near the end of the MAED program at MSU and have now spent a decade of either training or working in education, my fourth year as a certified teacher, my priorities have shifted immensely. During my adult life while married and raising two children, I have invested seven years and countless other moments in school for my own continued education. This has been time spent away from my family. It has been a sacrifice, but one made to ultimately build a better life for them. The skills and knowledge I have gained through the program at MSU and the two other universities which I have attended have formed me into a knowledgeable, qualified, and highly effective educator. That was my professional goal. Now, maintaining that status will be my goal moving forward. Yet, I have finally found the ability to relax somewhat, to see through the intensive training, shifting into a tempered and meaningful practice.

     The two areas of study I chose to pursue at MSU, Literacy and Online Teaching and Learning have and will continue to benefit my practice and my students greatly. But throughout those studies, I found myself at times paralyzed with my own fear of failure, overwhelmed by the pressures of simply producing good work. At times I felt like Kafka’s Gregor, wanting to hide under the couch, reposed in my room forever, deliberating on theories of practice. But instead, I broke through those doors, walked out into the sunlight and joy of the classroom, student successes, collegial collaborations, and community events. At some point we have to confirm that our goals have been realized. As my goals for this program are met, and my teaching career develops in the days and years to come, I find myself at ease, finally, in my abilities as a teacher. I can walk out of my building each day knowing I have served my students well. But then, go and live my own life to the fullest, knowing I've done my part to move the world forward. 

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